There’s nothing like getting lost in the moment with your lover and giving yourself over to desire and anticipation. No matter your age, sex, sexuality, sexual background or experience, you can change your erotic gear with these amazing, straight talking foreplay secrets.
There is no time limit on foreplay and for most women, because there’s no rush to penetration, and the more the better.
Most sexual encounters and relationships start with some flirting. So if you’re in a long-established relationship or a fairly new one, remember how flirting ramped up the sexual tension in those early days.
Tease, lick your lips, suck your fingers, be coy, go on date nights, have sex when the mood takes you rather than just at night time.
On the theme of flirting, look and look away; smile, look back and hold the other person’s gaze. Touch your lips and lick them again (see above). These are powerful come-ons that get your brain – that primary sex organ – in the right gear and the right mood for sex.
While you’re looking at the other person, think of all the stuff you want to do to them. That way, if your pupils weren’t already dilated, they will be now. Dilated pupils are an unconscious signal that you like what you’re looking at and your partner will pick that up without even knowing it.
Get in close and inhale the smell of your lover. It’s a strong primitive instinct that tells us that we’re attracted to someone.
Go for the smell of the neck, around the sides and back near the hairline to begin with and work your way down. Nuzzle and nibble as you go…chest, groin and genitals are all a little different in their smell. And for women the rich, salty smell of the genitals varies a little through the menstrual cycle and after menopause.
Long, slow kissing is a must for foreplay. Tongues included, but mix it up at bit.
Gently nibble and suck your partner’s lip.
Run your tongue over your partner’s lips.
Play with pressure – hard and deep; light and playful; gentle brushing; explore the mouth with your tongue (just don’t try to get a gag reflex!).
If your skin is the biggest sex organs it makes sense to make the most of it. As with kissing, vary your touch by using fingertips and whole hands. Use a feather-light touch and alternate grasping with passion where the mood takes you.
Kissing, nibbling and nuzzling apply here, so use your lips, tongue, body as well as your hands.
Use oils for massage and edibles (chocolate sauce, cream/squirty cream etc) to add to your playing pleasure and enjoyment with taste and smell.
Take a shower together and get lathered up. In the shower with the body lube of soap and shower gel, you can get close and slide your whole bodies against each other.
Or take a shower while your partner watches you. Be seductive and touch all the spots you want your partner to touch.
Try different temperatures for added tingle.
Try a power shower head with different spray settings. The massage setting on sensitive areas such as the nipples and clitoris can be another powerful turn-on.
Just don’t get soap where it has no business being.
There’s an odd double standard when it comes to porn. It’s commonplace for men to watch it but women are often prudish and don’t admit to watching it.
There are free websites offering a huge choice of porn, depending on your taste, sexuality and attention span. It’s worth looking at these as a starting place if you haven’t watched porn together before.
Porn can give you ideas for scenarios and fantasies to incorporate into your sex life, as well as getting the juices flowing during foreplay.
Whisper it if you feel shy.
Say it with a smile and be playful.
Tell your partner about all the stuff you want to do to them. Don’t spare the details. Find out what kind of language you both like.
Do it on the phone or by text before you meet up for added pre-foreplay.
As well as talking dirty, using your tongue over your partner’s body, use it on their genitals.
The head of the penis is the most sensitive part, so concentrate your efforts there. It may be called a blow-job, but do not blow. No teeth either. Lick and suck; alternate some action on the shaft too; pay attention to the frenulum – the part on the underside of the penis at the join between the head and the shaft.
For women, the clitoris is a serious ‘on’ button. Gentle tongue action on and around the clitoris, and just below it, on the way to the vaginal opening is often best.
For both sexes, judge your success by the results you’re getting. And if you’re on the receiving end, it’s good to give some verbal appreciation.
Gently tease, vary your pressure, and when the pleasure builds you can decide whether to bring your partner to orgasm with regular, rhythmic steady pressure.
There’s a reason your fingertips have a lot of sensory nerve endings in them. Use them.
We’ve talked about touch and massage above, and this can help you ‘look at’ your partner as if you were blind and s/he was a passage of brail writing.
Also use your fingers in places your tongue can’t get to.
For women, fingers in the vagina at the right time will increase her arousal and let you know the extent of her arousal – she should be wet and taste salty.
For women who haven’t had sex in some time, or who are peri-menopausal, a gentle fingering can loosen up the vagina walls and you can use some lube if you need to.
While your fingers are in the vagina, take your thumb over the clitoris and play there too. Feel for the G-spot about an inch inside the upper wall of the vagina.
For men, grasp the shaft of the penis and vary the squeeze pressure as you slide it up and down.
Some men and women like some anal contact – around the outside or inside the anus itself. This may be easier with some lubrication such as KY Jelly or just saliva. Go gently for the few first times.
This is just a bunch of suggestions, not an A-Z check list – make it natural and go with your passion, because that makes it real for both of you.